


Tom's Song

by SailorLestrade



Series: The Real Avenger [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Norse Religion & Lore, Sherlock (TV) RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Crying, Depression, F/M, Funeral, It gets happy at the end I promise, Sad Tom, Triggers, tw: suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2618459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorLestrade/pseuds/SailorLestrade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom tells you about the last six years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tom's Song

Tom didn’t want you to do much. He didn’t want to risk you over doing anything and getting hurt. He couldn’t bear to think of you doing something that would take you away from him again. Even though you told him that you were fine, and you had these new powers to protect you, he didn’t want to risk it.

That’s why you were currently laying with your head on his bare chest while he held you close. Ben and Sophie didn’t seem to mind you two taking up the guest bedroom, since they were busy most of the day anyway and really didn’t find it right to turn you away. Plus Ben, being the big brother figure that he was, said it was easier to protect you from Loki that way. Even though, after what had happened on the rooftop, you were sure he wouldn’t be coming back after you for a while.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked him as you felt him brushing his fingers through your hair. He looked down at you with those piercing eyes of his.

“Just you.” He said, wrapping his arm tighter around you. “How much I missed you. How much you mean to me. Things like that.” You felt your cheeks glowing red. You rested your head back on his chest, listening to his heart beat and the vibrations of his chest as he hummed.

“What was it like?” You asked. Tom looked at you.

“Pardon?” He asked. He moved so that you were sitting by him, so you could looked into his eyes.

“The six years I was gone.” You said calmly. “What was it like? What did I miss?” You saw the look of fear pass over his face. He had been dreading this question and he had hoped it wouldn’t come up. But, you were always curious and after a week of you being home again, he was surprised it hadn’t come up before.

“(Y/n)…” He said softly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “You don’t really want to know about all that, do you?”

“But I do.” You said, sticking out your lip a bit to pout. He sighed, unable to avoid your puppy face.

“Let me make us some tea.” He said, getting out of bed. He slipped a pair of sweat pants on, because one of Ben’s rules was no walking around in underwear, no matter what. You started to get out of bed. “No honey, stay and rest.” He said. You smiled as he left. He knew you could’ve used whatever magic was flowing through your veins to conjure the tea, but you figured he wanted some time to think of what he was going to tell you. So you rested on the comfortable mattress and waited.

****

Tom walked into the kitchen to see Ben sitting at the table, reading a paper. He looked up at Tom over his glasses, noticing the panicked look on his face. He set the paper down.

“Everything alright?” Ben asked. Tom sighed as he grabbed a tin of tea from the cabinet.

“(Y/n) wants to know what happened over the last six years.” He said sadly. Ben knew exactly why Tom was so upset about it.

“What are you going to tell her?” Ben asked, watching as Tom filled the kettle and set it on the stove to boil. “Tom?” He asked when his friend remained silent.

“The truth.” Tom said quietly. “I’m going to tell her the truth.” Ben’s eyes widened slightly.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Ben asked. “She’ll think it’s her fault, you know?”

“Do you think I haven’t already thought of that?!” Tom yelled. When he saw the look on Ben’s face, he sighed. “Sorry, I just…I don’t want to lose her again…” Ben nodded.

“I understand.” Ben said. “I have to go out for a while. So you’ll have the place to yourself.” Ben said. Tom nodded. “And the address is on the fridge if you decide to order in or something.” With that, Ben picked up his paper and grabbed his jacket, then left. Tom sighed, poured the now hot tea into two cups, then carried them in to you.

“What’s going on?” You asked, sitting up against the headboard. “I heard shouting.”

“Oh, nothing darling.” He handed you your cup then kissed your forehead.

“Are you sure?” You asked, making him chuckle a bit. He settled down by you and sipped his tea before sighing softly.

“So, where do you want me to start?” He asked, unable to look you in the eyes. You gently put your hand on his arm.

“From the beginning.” You said. He closed his eyes and nodded. It was going to be a long day.

****

Six Years Ago

“Tom?” Ben said softly, knocking on the door of the bedroom you and he once shared. “Tom, we’re going to be late. The Doctor’s here to take us.” He just lay in bed, clutching your pillow tight to his chest, his eyes red from crying. Finally, with Martin’s help, the door swung open. He was laying there in a suit, but he was a long ways away from the posh gentleman that they knew so well.

“Tom.” Martin said, making the younger actor look at him. “It’s time.” Tom reluctantly got out of bed, ran his fingers through his hair, and straightened his suit. He walked out of the room. Clara, Amanda, and Sophie were all standing outside the TARDIS, wearing their black dresses. They suddenly became quiet as they saw Tom. Clara quickly hugged him.

"I'm so sorry.” She whispered. Tom nodded and walked inside, where the Doctor was waiting to take them to Asgard. Where your body waited with Thor.

“Thomas.” The Doctor said. He just nodded at the Gallifreyan before he settled in a seat. The others walked in. The TARDIS doors shut and she came to life, flying them through time and space to the last place Tom wanted to be.

Your funeral.

“Tom.” Sophie said softly after a while. He looked up at her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. “We’re here.” He nodded and stood up, following the others out the doors. Thor stood there, waiting for them. Thor said nothing, just a solemn nod that Tom returned.

There were many Asgardian’s there to pay respects to you for what you had done for them many years ago and what had happened to you. There were only the six Midgardians among them. Many of the ones who witnessed the wedding chose to have a memorial service on Earth, not knowing that they were going to another planet to have your funeral. A couple of the Supernatural cast members had wanted to join them, but decided against it.

Tom stood there, beside Thor, as he read your funeral rights, offering your soul to Valhalla since you died a warrior’s death, protecting not only your mate but your friends and family. He watched, with tears streaming down his face, as they pushed the boat containing your body into the lake and then it was caught on fire. He stood there, Ben offering him support, as Thor read the words that turned your burning body into pure energy and allowed you to join fallen warriors in the Asgardian afterlife.

“Are you okay?” Amanda asked, gently touching Tom’s shoulder. He had been standing on the balcony, watching the sky. Everyone else had returned to the dining hall for a memorial feast. Tom didn’t even look at her, but she could tell by the way his shoulders trembled he was crying again.

“She’s not coming back.” He whimpered. “I keep waiting for her to show up and throw her arms around me and call me a silly boy.” Amanda nodded and lovingly rubbed his back, like a sister comforting her brother.

“It will be okay.” She said, trying to hold back her own tears. “Your heart will heal. And someday, a long time down the road, you may come across someone who can complete you the way she used to.”

“No.” He said. “No one will ever take her place in my heart. I promised her that there would never be another. I intend on keeping that promise.” He turned away from Amanda then and walked into the dining hall, choosing to sit by himself while Ben and the others watched him, worried. Amanda set by them and told them of their conversation, breaking their hearts in the process.

When it was time to leave, Tom barely said two words to anyone. They loaded into the TARDIS and returned to London. Ben, Sophie, Martin, and Amanda all left, but Tom stayed behind. The Doctor and Clara looked at him.

“I…can you take me to the past?” Tom asked. “So I can see her one last time?”

“Thomas, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.” The Doctor said, making Clara look at him. Tom just looked down.

“Please, just take me back to before I met her. She won’t know it’s me. She’ll just know me as Tom Hiddleston the actor, not her boyfriend or her husband or anything like that. I just…I want to see her smile one last time. That’s how I want to remember her. As happy and carefree.”

“Please Doctor.” Clara begged. The Doctor sighed and programmed something into the computer. It was right after you had left America and your job on the set of Supernatural and ended up doing the same job on the set of Sherlock. Tom stepped out of the TARDIS, careful to not be caught by Ben, who would still know him. He saw him, his hair floppier than normal, talking to you. You were wearing an Iron Man shirt and jeans. He knew this was pre Sophie and Ben seemed to be flirting a little.

“Come on Ben.” Martin said, pulling Ben away. “You can chat later.”

“See you later!” Ben called, waving at you before going to the set. You smiled softly before going back to the food and drink table, cleaning it and making sure everything was in order. Tom watched you. He felt tears coming on. You looked so young, so full of life.

“I love you.” Tom whispered. You seemed to hear something and when you looked up, Tom stepped into the shadows of a building so you couldn’t see him. You shrugged and went back to your work at hand. The Doctor walked up to him. Tom looked at him.

“It’s time to go.” The Doctor said. “We can’t risk you changing the timeline.” Tom nodded and looked over at you one more time. He noticed that you had a necklace with a little TARDIS on it. The Doctor noticed too.

“Rose gave her that for her birthday.” The Doctor explained. “Jack took her dancing. I took her to Asgard.” Tom looked at him. “That’s how she met Loki.” Tom just nodded and turned away, going back into the TARDIS where Clara was waiting. She looked up at them.

“Are you alright?” She asked. Tom shrugged.

“I’ll survive.” He said. Clara looked worried but didn’t say anything. The Doctor took him home, where he went bypassed all his friends and locked himself in the bedroom. He could hear the others talking, but he didn’t care. He went into the closet, where your modest jewelry box. He found a blue, silky bag and opened it, found the TARDIS necklace inside of it. He took it out. You hadn’t worn it when you were with him, because, once Tom came into your life, you realized that your life with the Doctor was over but you had a new adventure to begin.

He slipped the necklace over his head and let it slide under his shirt. He slipped something out of his pocket and looked at it. Your wedding ring. Shining brightly, like your eyes and your smile. He wrapped his hand around it and set in the closet, holding it close to his chest. He started to sing the Aerosmith song you two had danced to the first time he told you he loved you.

“I don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to fall asleep because I’d miss you, and I don’t want to miss a thing.”

****

Present Day

“Tom.” You said, holding him as he let tears stream down his face.

“That was the worst seventy-two hours.” He whimpered. “I couldn’t handle it. You were just gone.”

“You don’t have to go on.” You whispered. He shook his head.

“I need to get this off my chest.” He said. “And you’re easier to talk to then a therapist.” You smiled and snuggled close, listening to him.

****

Two Days after the Funeral

No one had heard from Tom in two days. Ben finally had enough and went back over to the flat, where he saw Tom standing on a chair, a rope around his neck. He had just kicked the chair out from under him when Ben ran forward and held him up. Thankfully, Martin had been worried about Tom to and had come by to check on him, and he saw a tearful Ben holding a sobbing mess that was Tom Hiddleston up. Martin quickly grabbed the chair and pushed it under before Ben cut the rope and Tom’s body sagged. He kept crying.

“Why did you do that?” Ben asked, taking Tom’s tear soaked face in his hands. “Why Tom?”

“I can’t live without her.” Tom whispered hoarsely. Ben looked over at Martin, who was just as scared as Ben was.

“Martin, will you go pack some things of Tom for me?” Ben asked. Martin nodded. Ben looked back at Tom. “You’re coming to live with me and Sophie for a while. I don’t want you here by yourself.”

“I’m fine…” Tom said. Ben had moved him to the couch. Ben could see the necklace with the little blue TARDIS and your wedding ring hanging around his neck.

“No you’re not.” Ben crouched in front of him. “I just lost one of my best friends. I can’t lose another one. You mean too much to me Tom.”

“I couldn’t protect her.” Tom said. “What kind of husband am I? I just let her die. I…” Ben looked up at him with those big blue eyes of his.

“Tom, there’s nothing we could’ve done.” Ben said. “I wish we could go back and save her, but we can’t.” Tom’s eyes widened then and he jumped up. “Tom?”

“Doctor!” Tom yelled. “Doctor, I need you!” Martin came out then with Tom’s suitcase.

“What’s he going on about?” Martin asked Ben.

“He wants the Doctor to take him back in time so he can save (y/n).” Ben explained. “I don’t think he understands that would cause a paradox or some kind of Back to the Future crap.” Martin nodded. When the Doctor hadn’t shown up and Tom had all but lost his voice, he reluctantly left with Ben.

They were still living in their flat just a few blocks away. When Ben came in with a broken Tom, Sophie immediately jumped up and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. She saw the bruises on his neck and looked at Ben for an answer, but he just gave her a sad look. She knew then what had happened.

“Oh Tom.” She whispered, touching his cheek.

“I’d like to go lie down now.” He whispered, before moving away and going to the guest room. Sophie waited until he was gone before she buried her head in her husband’s chest and cried. He held her close. Neither of them spoke. They just held onto each other.

****

Present Day

You set there in shock, staring at him. He couldn’t look you in the eyes, ashamed of what he had done. You quickly wrapped your arms around him, holding him close while he remained silent.

“I’m not worth it.” You said. He quickly looked at you.

“How dare you say that!” He said. “I would gladly lay down my life for you in a heartbeat! You mean the world to me (y/n).” He took your face in his hands. “I just couldn’t bear living without you.”

“Tom…” You said, tearing up. He gently kissed each eye before pulling you back against his side to continue his story.

****

Six Months Later

“Damn reporters!” Ben yelled, coming into the house. Tom was sitting with Sophie at the table, helping her as she drew rough sketches to give to the costume department for her next play. They both looked up as he came in. “If I had a statement to give them, I’d give it.” Tom looked over at Sophie, who nodded.

“Uh, Ben, I’ve decided to go to Australia for a while.” Tom said. Ben looked at him.

“Why?” Ben asked.

“Well, Chris Hemsworth has a place there and he said that the press don’t harass him out there. And I feel like I’m imposing.”

“You’re not imposing.” Ben said. “I just wish these damn vultures would leave us alone.” Tom sighed and stood up.

“Sorry Ben, but you guys need your space.” Tom said. Ben sighed.

“Well, I guess if that’s what you want to do.” Ben said. “Just so you know, the front door is always open to you.” Tom smiled and hugged him.

“Thank you for everything.” Tom said. “Chris is going to come get me in the morning.” Ben nodded. “And I’m selling the flat. I hired someone to move all my things to a storage locker. Tomorrow, before we leave, he’s going to help me grab some things to take with me.”

“I wish you luck on your journey.” Ben said. Tom smiled and retreated to the guest room to make sure all his things were packed. Ben looked at Sophie. “Do you really think he’s okay?”

“Not in the slightest.” She said. “But I think that some fresh air would do him good. And not the stuffy air of London.” Ben nodded.

The next morning came and Tom said his goodbyes. Chris helped him get some things from storage. Things of yours that could keep him company.

****

One Year Later

Australia had been good to Tom. Melbourne was such a beautiful city and living just outside of it did him wonders. But, at the same time, things had also gotten dark for him. He started to enjoy hitting the bottle. At first, it was just an occasional drink, but soon the occasional beer with Chris and his friends turned into several, then those turned into whiskey, then scotch, bourbon, and others. Chris saw the change in his friend. So, he called in reinforcements. 

Robert, who had just finished up his latest movie, arrived in Australia. He knew the dangers of addiction; he had been there before. And when he saw someone he thought would never be like this sinking to the bottom of the lake of despair, he knew something needed to be done.

They started with ridding the house of alcohol, which Elsa was happy for. Then came the touch love part, which started with Robert waking Tom up with a bucket of cold water. He set up, growling at them. Robert and Chris dragged him out to the desert for a camping trip, where Tom detoxed of the alcohol that had been in his system.

“We did this because we care.” Robert said. “We don’t want to see you go down the wrong path. A path you can’t come back from.”

“At least I’ll be with my wife then.” He said. Robert and Chris exchanged looks.

“Tom, (y/n) wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself.” Chris said calmly. Tom glared at him.

“How would you know what she’d want?” Tom asked. Chris sighed and gave him some water. But they got him sober, thankfully.

****

Present Day

“Chris was right, you know.” You said. “I don’t want you to do that to yourself.” Tom smiled and kissed your forehead.

“Well, we don’t have to worry about that, do we?” Tom asked. “Because you’re alive and safe and I’m not letting you go again.” You smiled and rested your hand on his heart, feeling it beating. “Nothing else really happened.” He explained. “I just couldn’t standing looking at all the places around England that made me think of you. So I packed up and moved to L.A.”

“Did you continue acting?” You asked.

“Well, kinda.”

****

Two Years Ago

“Thanks for seeing me Tom.” Jensen Ackles said as Tom walked up to his table at a café. Jared was at the counter, getting some coffee. Tom smiled.

“It’s nice to see you again Jensen.” Tom said, shaking his hand and sitting down. Jared came over then. He smiled at Tom, even though he felt a pang of sorrow since you were gone.

“Hey Tom.” Jared said. Tom smiled and shook his hand as he set down. “So, I bet you’re wondering why we asked you here.”

“Well, kinda.” He said laughing.

“We would like you to appear in a special episode of Supernatural that I’m directing.” Jensen said. “If you’ve watched the show before, we had a character called Loki who turned out to really be the archangel Gabriel. Well, we’re going to be doing an episode where the real Loki is mad that someone has stolen his identity.” Tom’s face paled.

“I’m not playing Loki anymore.” He said. “I can’t.”

“Oh, no.” Jensen said. “We already have our Loki. We would like you to be there, playing a professor whose wife was brainwashed and killed by Loki. And you will kill him before Sam and Dean get a chance to.”

“It’s in honor of (y/n).” Jared said. Tom set there for a minute, thinking about it.

“I’ll do it.” Tom said. “It might be the only chance I have to hurt the bastard that took my wife from me, even if it’s not really him.” Jensen and Jared both smiled sadly at him.

“Thank you Tom.” Jensen said.

So Tom went to Canada and filmed his scenes. And that episode was one of the best that Supernatural had put it. The pure emotion in Tom’s performance brought tears to the eyes of many.

Tom won an Emmy for his performance, beating out Ben for Sherlock.

****

Present Day

“I’ll have to show it to you someday.” Tom said. “I have a signed copy of just that episode. The cast presented it to me in your honor.” You teared up a bit.

“I’m so sorry I put you through all that.” He cupped your cheek.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He said. “And I’m just happy to have you back in my arms now.” You smiled at him before kissing him. Tom got up, put something on the outside of the door, then crawled into bed by you, kissing you passionately.

****

Sophie came home later that evening, before Ben did. She heard the familiar sound of moans and pants, begging and pleading. Her cheeks turned red as she saw the sign on the door that said “Do Not Disturb ;)”. She giggled as she grabbed her purse and sent a text to Ben, telling him to just meet her at a restaurant. She shut the front door and left the two of you alone to your evening.

**Author's Note:**

> So, was this emotional or what? I actually started crying while writing this. I hope you enjoyed it though.


End file.
